Silence can say all that’s necessary

Louise de Winter writing from North London tells the story of a father of three small children, who, as part of his coming to terms with the tragic death of his wife, chose silence as the means of conveying his sadness at her funeral.

In her story headed: Sometimes There Are No Words, and That’s Okay, (Huffington Post, 19 Nov 2015) de Winter says: “The family were enormously brave in having the confidence to break with convention and use an enlightened funeral director who was prepared to cater to their very simple yet complex needs. They were even braver to stand in silence for ten minutes, allowing whatever emotions they had to be out in the open. No one was directing their grief, or justifying it with words.”

“A funeral that serves its purpose is a ritual designed to acknowledge and accept the death of a loved one, so the living can contemplate how they’re going to continue with their lives. It can be whatever it needs to be, not necessarily what the funeral director offers in a standard package.”

“If done with consideration, a funeral can be profound in its ability to process, heal and transform grief.”

de Winter makes a couple of very important point: “When faced with the death of a loved one, don’t pick up the phone to the first funeral director who comes up on Google. Instead find a funeral director who understands the purpose of a funeral. If they tell you something isn’t possible, find a funeral director who is willing to be flexible.”  And: “There can be words or there can be no words; it’s whatever works for you. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

Louise de Winter is a Funeral Consultant and Founder of Poetic Endings –   For the full story go to:



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1 Response to Silence can say all that’s necessary

  1. Helen Dunne says:

    I enjoyed being reminded of the human capacity to be beautiful and unique in such simple and pure ways. Tapping into their own spirit on what to do is far more important than following the program and protocol of how a funeral should be. Thanks for another great post.

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