THERE IS MORE TO THE END-OF-LIFE PROCESS than caring conversations, long talks and walks – invaluable as they are – as we mull over and navigate the many concerns and issues we are required to deal with at these times.
We might have a story in our heads about how it should all be, but what if this doesn’t line up with the message coming from the various professional groups we encounter along the way. It can be helpful to discover how others have dealt with these issues, whether that be recently or over the centuries, because there is a rich body of knowledge just waiting to be tapped.
Here are some of the practical steps to help us get there – to help us manage with the day-to-day business matters that we have to front up for – so that the jobs that need doing get done. Lord Robert Baden-Powell, the English soldier who founded the Scout Movement, published the motto “Be Prepared” in his 1908 handbook, Scouting for Boys. He wrote that to be prepared meant, “You are always in a state of readiness in mind and body to do your duty.” The more we learn, the more we practice these skills, the better equipped we are to deal with the inevitability of our situation and the essential jobs necessary to get on with whatever we are faced with. When it comes to being prepared, all we need to do is scratch the surface – just a little bit – and, there they are, voices for choices, voices of experience, all around us.
FOR A SUMMARY of how we have arrived at the current point in the funeral arrangements business, this primer is a sketch book attempt to provide a brief introduction with some history and practical examples included …
Earth and Family Friendly Funeral Primer
Should it be, that you would rather NOT use a conventional coffin, preferring a wicker or cardboard container or perhaps a shroud, made from linen or bamboo or hemp, then you have the right to do so. Here is the fact sheet from Cemeteries & Crematoria NSW – it includes the link to a fact sheet from NSW Health, Burial of a deceased person without a coffin (Note: The Regulation section 89 allows for the granting of a general approval – that is, an ongoing approval) – and the Application form for a burial not in a coffin …
Burial without a conventional coffin.
THERE ARE MANY FUNERAL PLANNERS in hard print form as books and as downloadables on the internet. Here is a short one produced by the folks at Die-alogue Cafe.
Advance Death Care Funeral Planner
DYING MATTERS in the UK have been producing helpful material in this area for years. Here is an even shorter planner that acts like a checklist. It is a good brochure type planner from which to become familiar with the thinking needed to get this aspect of our affairs sorted.
My Funeral Wishes
IT IS A GOOD IDEA TO PLAN WELL AHEAD when it comes to end-of-life matters, including funerals. But when faced with having to arrange a funeral at short notice, it can be doubly daunting and seem like there is nowhere to turn but the established commercial providers. This is one of a number of lists that suggest it might be a good idea to take a deep breath, make a cup of tea, call a trusted friend. In short, not jump to conclusions. There’s more than one way to do most things, and funerals are no different.
What funeral directors don’t tell us
LIFE TIMES CAN HELP PEOPLE by providing gentle guidance through this natural part of life – death and dying. From diagnosis through transition to post death, practicalities and rituals, I guide people compassionately and provide reassurance along the journey.
Life Times
DO WE HAVE RIGHTS when it comes to dying? There are no laws or enforceable rules, but Judy Tatelbaum, in The Courage to Grieve, has compiled a list that it worth sharing.
The Dying Persons Bill of Rights
SOME QUOTES from some wise souls who have pondered these matters over the centuries.
12 Quotes To Ease Our Anxiety About Death
KAREN WYATT MD, is a hospice physician, death awareness advocate, and spiritual seeker who loves to help people live life fully and fearlessly.
Six Steps to Rise Above Our Fear of Death
SOMETIMES IT IS BEST to just state the obvious in black and white in a Do and Don’t list. We need to put our families first. The best way to do this, is by planning ahead. There are no secret formulas. Let’s be clear, this is a commercial transaction. It’s a case of buyer beware.
The Do’s and Don’t about Funerals
CAITLIN DOUGHTY has worked in the funeral industry ever since she left school. Caitlin is a wonderful advocate for facing death with a positive attitude that is refreshing and uplifting in our death denying society. She has been a guest of Writers Festivals in Australia and with a fresh and enthusiastic manner helps to demystify what has become a no go area of conversation for far too many of us. Caitlin Doughty knows just the right way to frame death so it’s not so scary way. |For example she asks: Why are there a zillion websites and references to being sex positive and nothing to being death positive? Here is an invitation to let the 8 Tenets of the Death Positive Movement be our guide.
Death Positivity or How to be Death Positive.
TO BE A MIDWIFE is to be someone who, for want of a better word, walks an expecting mother through the processes involved in giving birth. So we could call them a Birth Midwife. There was a time, not so long ago, when that same person may also have been a Death Midwife. The roles are not dis-similar, one at the beginning, the other at the other end of life. The difference now is that to be a Birth Midwife involves considerable formal education. A Death Midwife, may involve formal training, however, it is not a requirement. Here is a rundown of the …
Parallels between a Birth Midwife and Death Midwife.
WHEN FUNERALS were performed by families with a service at the local church, and burial in what was known as God’s Acre, the environmental impact was minimal – as was the cost. It was done in-house by the locals. There were no commercial funeral providers like we have today. By far the most environmentally sound choice for a funeral, natural burials have been available in the UK since Ken West created the first natural burial ground in Carlisle in 1993. His book ‘A Guide to Natural Burials’, (2010) tells the history of how this came about. His research is summarised in this brief overview of two types of funeral.
How Green is My Funeral?
IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW is about to become a carer for someone who is not well or perhaps more than that, getting towards the end of their life, then – as we’ve mentioned before – it is helpful to know that there are guides to help us get prepared. Published by Northern Sydney, Central Coast Health, it is a good overview with checklists and contacts.
Carers guidebook for supporting end of life care at home.
FOR AN OVERVIEW of the end-of-life process, this is a marvelous presentation by the author of A Good Life to the End, Professor Ken Hillman. He has been in the medical profession for many years and well understands the dilemmas families face. The medicalisation of this third phase of our lives is one that he is well equipped to comment on. His insights can help inform our decision-making if we are new to these things or we need a reminder.
Dying Safely, Professor Ken Hillman, 2012
Die-alogue Cafe 