Die-alogue Cafe

For people preferring a more formal and perhaps more intimate conversation and where people come prepared having done some reading or started conversations with family and friends, then Let’s Have Dinner and Talk About Death might be more attractive and better meet their needs than Die-alogue Cafe. Here are some posts that tell the stories of people in the US who are using this framework to get end-of-life discussions going around the dining table.  

The first is by Shannon Pettypiece at Bloomberg: Death Dinners at Baby Boomers’ Tables Take on Dying Taboo  http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2013-09-24/death-dinners-at-baby-boomers-tables-take-on-dying-taboo.html

The second is by Jaweed Kaleem at The Huntington Post:  Death Over Dinner, The Conversation Project Aim To Spark Discussions About The End Of Life   http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/23/death-over-dinner-conversation-project_n_4495250.html

Coffin maker Marcus Daly, from Washington State in the U.S. says his simple, handcrafted wooden coffins are an economical and environmentally friendly alternative to the standard commercial offerings. But Daly believes a coffin’s most important feature is that it can be carried. In this short 4 minutes clip he says why. The film was an Official Selection, Natural Transitions Film Festival. ntfilmfest.org and an Official Selection, 15 Short Film Festival. facebook.com/15shortfilmfestival.  See it at:  http://vimeo.com/65019294

This TEDx talk calls us to think about how our final resting place might have a positive impact on the planet.  See it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyA0VLzOPPA

Here is a short video clip (3:53) about a family that do their own funeral.  Comments from the Funeral Consumers Association (USA) provide the reasoning behind why a family would consider such an undertaking.  Scroll down to A National Movement.  View at this link: http://commonhealth.wbur.org/2013/11/diy-death-natural-home-funerals

It had to happen, eventually. A NSW court has upheld a will written in Word on a notebook computer.  The slowly but surely creeping impacts of digital technology are making an impression on how we write our instructions for the time when death comes knocking. Not common yet, but a precedent has been set.

Rachel Olding, (SMH, 26 July 14) writes: ‘Wills composed on computers, smartphones and even webcams are being accepted by courts as valid documents as the digital age throws up new dilemmas about making one’s final wishes. Digital natives don’t only live by the computer, they die by the computer too. An increasing number of disputes are heading to court involving informal wills left on digital devices.’
Read the full story here: http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/being-of-sound-mind-and-pixels-wills-in-the-digital-age-20140725-zwokc.html

We have no shortage of names for it, but when faced with death we are often short of words. Our superstitions and fears about dying, and the discomfort we feel, affect how we approach this most important of life events and our willingness – or unwillingness – to talk about and plan for end-of-life eventualities.

And so the Groundswell Project has nominated August 8th as Dying to Know Day with the aim of improving our death literacy.  Events are not strictly held on this particular one day (August 8th), because any day can be a ‘dying to know’ day.  For details about where events are taking place in Newcastle go to the What’s happening tab;  and for NSW and beyond go to:  http://www.thegroundswellproject.com/find-an-event/

Bryan Mellonie wrote and Robert Ingpen illustrated a book about living and dying back in 1986.  After all these years we have only just discovered it.   As they point out in words suitable for children and adults like: ‘There is a beginning and an ending to everything that is alive. In between is a lifetime. Dying is as much a part of life as being born.’

“This is true … For plants. For people. For birds. For fish. For trees. For animals.  EVERYWHERE!”  Beginnings and Endings with LIFETIMES in between, is a timeless story and so lovingly told.   It deserves to be in every public library. If you come across a copy, treasure it.

Shanna Provost is the author of the workbook Rest Easy Journal: A down to earth approach to dying.  Shanna was a speaker at the Demystifying Death and Dying Expo held in Cobargo in June 2014. Her website is well worth a look.  This section on coffins might interest those looking for something out of the box:  http://shannaprovost.com.au/fab-coffins/

Robert Munsch as the author of Love You Forever tells a timeless story of love and loss.  It is one of those titles that can be read over and over without losing its impact to move and delight.  It is about the enduring nature of parents’ love and how it crosses generations – a mother nurturing and raising her son. As life moves on, the son nurturing and caring for his aging and dying mother, and finally nurturing and caring for his new baby daughter. Illustrated by Sheila McGraw. Firefly Books.  The 1992 edition we have was its 35th printing.  What more can we say. Available from The Book Depository: http://www.bookdepository.com

Reporter Ashleigh Gleeson, writing in the Newcastle Herald (May 27, 2014) reminds us yet again about the tendency for families to expect the medical profession to work miracles at the end of life.   She writes:

By the time people got to intensive care, however, it was too late.  Often the reality of death was not acknowledged until the very end.  ‘‘There’s no time for preparation or putting your affairs in order,’’ says intensive care specialist Dr Peter Saul. Hunter New England practice development officer for end-of-life care, Lisa Shaw, agreed the management of death was an issue. She said there was reluctance among nurses and doctors to sit down and talk to families about the reality of the patient dying.  Read the full story at: http://www.theherald.com.au/story/2311597/hospitals-badly-prepared-to-care-for-dying/?cs=2373